Asking Eric: New friend’s cooking turns the stomach

Dear Eric A relatively new friend has invited me to a third dinner at her home and I do not want to attend Her first two meals were solely not well-prepared and not good One meal included fish that had an unappetizing odor as she fried it and also had an unpleasant off taste when I tried to eat it She also served barely warm bland mashed potatoes and overcooked unseasoned vegetables No butter or sauces for anything When I helped her clean up after the meal I placed the leftover fish into the refrigerator I could tell the interior was not very cold Perhaps the fish had been sitting in the refrigerator uncooked for too long a time and was beginning to spoil The second meal at her home consisted of hummus that had been sitting out uncovered so long it had started to develop a crust Also there were crackers and plain overcooked broccoli to eat with the hummus I ate only a small amount at each meal telling her I was not very hungry Since I have decided not to eat another meal that she has cooked I do not know how to tell her I am not interested in a third invitation to dinner She has sought me to pick a date when I can come Other than her cooking she makes a good friend How can I bow out gracefully from attending her home for meals Lost My Appetite Dear Appetite You ve painted quite a vivid picture After reading this letter I m not hungry either I can see why you don t want to go back Criticizing another person s cooking can be a tricky thing If you think there s something technically awry like the temperature of her refrigerator you can alert her and potentially help her avoid illness But it sounds like the bigger issue is one of well taste I do hate being avoidant but in this circumstance the the bulk palatable path may be to ask for another activity other than dinner Perhaps it s a movie or an outing instead You could even reverse the invitation and have her over If you emphasize that you re very interested in spending time together but you d rather eat at home you honor her intention without having to make an unsavory compromise Dear Eric I have been with my boyfriend for years We live about minutes drive apart He is widowed and I m divorced We both have one adult son Mine is and his is I haven t met his son or any friends family members though he knows mine My boyfriend says he had an abusive dad and he doesn t much like his two siblings or their families He only has one real friend but won t introduce us I sought him why once and he explained he likes his privacy I put it down to his idiosyncrasies but still find it odd We have constantly talked for hours on a nightly basis Previously he has gone quiet for a week or two at times But now although we haven t had a falling out I haven t seen him in eight months I miss him and described him that but nothing changed we kept talking Now I feel like I am wasting my time on someone I love who clearly doesn t feel the same way I am not good at letting go so please what is your suggestion here I don t want a phone-only connection Short-Distance Love Related Articles Asking Eric Adult children object to parents burial plans Asking Eric Minimalist daughter doesn t want any family heirlooms Asking Eric After ugly comments brother invites himself to party Asking Eric Friend s dog not welcome in the pool Asking Eric After a rift and a breakdown sister-in-law wants to rebuild relationship Dear Love Something s gotta give If he s happy to talk for hours every night then he can and should spend minutes of one of those hours making the trek to your house for an in-person talk Ask for that If he can t or won t do it it doesn t mean he doesn t love you but it may mean that he s not in a position to be who you need right now That commented multiple things can be true here Your boyfriend has communicated perhaps not entirely effectively his boundaries and the traumas from which they stem Sometimes when boundaries are communicated they can sound like rejections even if they re not It s concerning that after years you haven t met his son or his sole friend There are particular indicators that he s dealing with heavy stuff the past abuse going quiet for a time He may be happiest letting the relationship he has with you flourish away from other more complicated relationships But he s not doing a great job integrating his coping mechanisms into his love life That can be hard but it s not insurmountable A loving relationship demands care empathy compromise and understanding in order to survive So if you re not getting that or not getting it in the way you want it may be healthiest for you to choose separation Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com