Asking Eric: Husband does housework while wife plays online games

Dear Eric I m a -year-old guy who has been with my wife for years Six years ago we made the decision to uproot ourselves from city life and buy an acreage We had long discussions about what this would entail the work it requirements maintenance et cetera My wife was very keen on the idea and she assured me that she would be helping with all that the property requires We both work full-time jobs Since we moved here she has barely lifted a finger I handle majority of of the outside work which is laborious and she is to handle the majority of the inside housework I find myself doing the lion s share of everything as she is more interested in her internet games and streaming videos I have a limited medical concerns that need to be managed and doing everything myself is beginning to wear on me When I try to have conversations about needing more help or when I try to motivate her into helping she just shuts down and proceeds to lay in bed with her online challenge I have noticed the physical changes in her due to this lifestyle and anything I say in an attempt to get her to be more proceeding and healthier is met with derision What else can I do to get her moving Doing It All Myself Dear Myself It may not be within your power to change your wife and that s not your responsibility There s something that s not being reported between you perhaps from both sides You need to find a way to talk about it The best path is marriage counseling You might go into it with a specific question I d suggest that the question be Is this home still the right place for us Right now the acreage is an albatross so you need a safe place with a neutral third party where you can both be honest about what you re feeling and what you want your marriage to be Dear Eric A friend of mine has a -year-old son who is dying from liver condition following a failed transplant I understand that a person s lifespan is determined by a higher power However I am having a very intricate time with the fact that this young man is suffering and the greater part likely will not survive while a particular person in my life who lived well into her s was nothing but a narcissistic selfish hateful and miserable person This woman was a very close relative of mine who took every realizable opportunity to berate and ridicule majority of people she knew including myself and multiple others For the last five years of her life she needed care which was excellent but which she complained about to no end I can t help but feel that the attention and care she received from the staff was wasted on her and may have taken away time and support from other patients requiring care When she in the end died in her sleep I did not shed a tear Life isn t fair I know but the situation with my friend s son is so sad I can t help but think how different these two end-of-life situations are I would appreciate your advice on how to move on from my deceased relative s milking of her situation while supporting my friend whose young son is dying Unfair Lot in Life Related Articles Asking Eric Brother s partner mocks in-laws even after their deaths Asking Eric After a birthday with no greetings letter writer feels miserable Asking Eric Messy housemate gives host silent recovery Asking Eric Baking favor leads to salty feelings Asking Eric Goddaughter s wedding dress causes huge family rift Dear Life I m sorry that your friend s son is dying You re right it isn t fair and it s fine to acknowledge that It seems however that your grief has attached itself to something that isn t related and won t help you This is very normal Grief latches on to the bulk random things it appears at random times and in random places it s hungry and opportunistic But every time you think about the elder in your life who complained remind yourself that she didn t get more than her share If she had gotten less time or appreciated her time more it would have no impact on what your friend s son is getting This is good news because it means that we re not depriving others just by living Our actions certainly can Our stewardship of the world s support certainly can But everyone s set number of days is their own There are larger philosophical or religious questions about why chosen people get less life or less in life I d encourage you to talk to your faith leader about the grief and confusion you re feeling Also talk about your anger because perhaps it feels easier or more appropriate to be angry at this other person who was in your life than it is to be angry at life or a higher power It s not a crime to be angry It s natural But only by acknowledging can you move through it Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com